Live music will always be the best music.
Please, if you will, imagine you are in a bar, any bar in the world you look to the stage.
First thing you notice is the fairly attractive woman playing the keyboard. Often they are confined to the back of the stage and hit perhaps two notes repetitively throughout the entire set, but not this looker, she’s there to grab your attention and it works. Secondly, you’re drawn to the lead singer. Not many categories for this gentleman: A – kind of like Jack Black, overweight with a strong voice, longish hair and sweats profusely. B – Skinny, striped jumper, he wants to be Kurt Cobain, however, his lyrics are questionable, he doesn't know pain and he hasn't locked eyes on a hypodermic needle since he had his flu shot when he was 12, which was probably 2 years ago. However, he probably has shagged Courtney Love. C – They are a mumford's Son, oh shit me are these folky types getting on my nerves at the moment. YES I GET IT! You love your woman you have some problems and you turn to cider. Now please piss off at least get the rock stations to take them off the radio. Or Finally D – they are a woman, which generally means you’re going to stand around with your males friends shouting “SCWING” and quoting “She will be mine, oh yes she will be mine” Throw in a generic Base player, drummer and an over confident guitarist and we are done.
If, dear reader, you have managed to imagine the above so far, congratulations! Now create in your mind about 100 different venues ranging from small pub stage to larger arena setting, superimpose your band and….. BOOM! Welcome to Canadian Music Week, or as we in the know call it CMW. Hundreds of bands such as our lovely creation above slog it out for a week in the fair city of Toronto, to try and get the new sound to the ears of the people in the know. The new sound, as you can probably imagine seems to sound suspiciously like various incarnations of old sounds. A bit of cooky Arctic Monkey inspired stuff, a fair sprinkling of Oasis clones poke out their noses and a surprising amount of guttural, generic grunge, which I’m afraid is not for me. I liked the 90’s, they were good fun, but lets keep them firmly in the past please children. Do your own thing and at least buy Nevermind before you pull on that nirvana t-shirt, yes they were a band, yes I know it looks kind of like a smiley face, now please bugger off!
The thing is, Grunge bands aside, there were a lot of excellent performances here during CMW. Bands travel from as far as British Columbia, and for my readers who do not have an intrinsic knowledge of Canadian geography, it is not around the corner. It is in fact a fair old jaunt. Some of what you hear may not be to your taste but the energy these bands put into their performances was actually pretty moving. Not since I was in my early 20’s have I seen bands put in the effort like these guys. It is depressing to know that hardly any of them will make it big. It’s sort of like watching a wild life show, when Sir David is telling us that 10,000 baby sea turtles hatch on the beach but only 3 survive because they get killed by literally anything bigger than them, including ideas.
These guys sweat it out on stage, they shout themselves horse and then they turn on the television on their night off, exhausted from lugging their equipment about. With their very bones aching, they reach for the remote, crack open a cold beer and change the channel and what meets there wary eyes? Simon Bastarding Cowell that’s who. Or his generic replacement for any number of mind numbing reality television shows. Simon is just telling everybody how much he respects the work of the singer who has just sang a cover version of somebody else’s song.
“Oh heres a good idea, lets find a nice fast paced song from the 1980’s”
“I have a fucking tremendous idea, lets really slow it down, cut the music, grab a guitar and sing it……… wait for it……….. Slowly”
The management gathered around the table fall into a frenzied abyss of orgasmic delight. Eyes rolling in pure pleasure, their minds have just been blown out with a shotgun loaded with ingenuity.
“Oh my god Simon! That’s an amazing idea, you rock my world”
“Oh Simon you’re going to change the industry all over again”
“Oh Simon if we can get one of these songs onto a car advertisement or mobile phone ad I will allow you to whatever you desire to my anus”
“Oh me too Simon, Me too, Please shaft me before you shaft all of those hard working musicians. Please Simon, Please show your disregard to thousands of hard working band members by shafting me live on television whilst I gladly inform the populous that One Direction are the best band ever to come out of the UK!! YES EVEN BIGGER THAN THE BEATLES and its all because of you, you wonderful shafting maniac you!
Give me a break! It brings my blood to a gentle simmering temperature when I think of that man. I’m sure when nobody else is around, when his entourage of wankers, fools, yes men and rent boys have all left him for the night, his feet morph into hooves and he sprouts horns and laughs whilst watching himself in the mirror.
I guess in my own subtle way I am telling the independent bands of the world to keep going at it, be one of the surviving turtles! Fight off the ideas of the millions of brainwashed people. Yes, even you grunge bands, you can do it! Canadian Music Week is a beautiful thing. You can see the living beating heart of music in all its glory. No airbrushing, no idealising, no studio enhancements. Just real people, warts and all thrashing it out to entertain you with songs they have written.
Ok, that got a little ranty. Must really try and control that, all of my clothes are now ripped and I’m green! I know this isn’t a mind blowing new point of view. It’s not going to change your lives, but maybe you will go and watch a live band in the next couple of weeks and maybe they will strike it lucky and ride the wave of success.
This is, I know a short blog entry, but thank you none the less for reading.
Feel free to give me a follow on twitter @morton1983
Mort
Please, if you will, imagine you are in a bar, any bar in the world you look to the stage.
First thing you notice is the fairly attractive woman playing the keyboard. Often they are confined to the back of the stage and hit perhaps two notes repetitively throughout the entire set, but not this looker, she’s there to grab your attention and it works. Secondly, you’re drawn to the lead singer. Not many categories for this gentleman: A – kind of like Jack Black, overweight with a strong voice, longish hair and sweats profusely. B – Skinny, striped jumper, he wants to be Kurt Cobain, however, his lyrics are questionable, he doesn't know pain and he hasn't locked eyes on a hypodermic needle since he had his flu shot when he was 12, which was probably 2 years ago. However, he probably has shagged Courtney Love. C – They are a mumford's Son, oh shit me are these folky types getting on my nerves at the moment. YES I GET IT! You love your woman you have some problems and you turn to cider. Now please piss off at least get the rock stations to take them off the radio. Or Finally D – they are a woman, which generally means you’re going to stand around with your males friends shouting “SCWING” and quoting “She will be mine, oh yes she will be mine” Throw in a generic Base player, drummer and an over confident guitarist and we are done.
If, dear reader, you have managed to imagine the above so far, congratulations! Now create in your mind about 100 different venues ranging from small pub stage to larger arena setting, superimpose your band and….. BOOM! Welcome to Canadian Music Week, or as we in the know call it CMW. Hundreds of bands such as our lovely creation above slog it out for a week in the fair city of Toronto, to try and get the new sound to the ears of the people in the know. The new sound, as you can probably imagine seems to sound suspiciously like various incarnations of old sounds. A bit of cooky Arctic Monkey inspired stuff, a fair sprinkling of Oasis clones poke out their noses and a surprising amount of guttural, generic grunge, which I’m afraid is not for me. I liked the 90’s, they were good fun, but lets keep them firmly in the past please children. Do your own thing and at least buy Nevermind before you pull on that nirvana t-shirt, yes they were a band, yes I know it looks kind of like a smiley face, now please bugger off!
The thing is, Grunge bands aside, there were a lot of excellent performances here during CMW. Bands travel from as far as British Columbia, and for my readers who do not have an intrinsic knowledge of Canadian geography, it is not around the corner. It is in fact a fair old jaunt. Some of what you hear may not be to your taste but the energy these bands put into their performances was actually pretty moving. Not since I was in my early 20’s have I seen bands put in the effort like these guys. It is depressing to know that hardly any of them will make it big. It’s sort of like watching a wild life show, when Sir David is telling us that 10,000 baby sea turtles hatch on the beach but only 3 survive because they get killed by literally anything bigger than them, including ideas.
These guys sweat it out on stage, they shout themselves horse and then they turn on the television on their night off, exhausted from lugging their equipment about. With their very bones aching, they reach for the remote, crack open a cold beer and change the channel and what meets there wary eyes? Simon Bastarding Cowell that’s who. Or his generic replacement for any number of mind numbing reality television shows. Simon is just telling everybody how much he respects the work of the singer who has just sang a cover version of somebody else’s song.
“Oh heres a good idea, lets find a nice fast paced song from the 1980’s”
“I have a fucking tremendous idea, lets really slow it down, cut the music, grab a guitar and sing it……… wait for it……….. Slowly”
The management gathered around the table fall into a frenzied abyss of orgasmic delight. Eyes rolling in pure pleasure, their minds have just been blown out with a shotgun loaded with ingenuity.
“Oh my god Simon! That’s an amazing idea, you rock my world”
“Oh Simon you’re going to change the industry all over again”
“Oh Simon if we can get one of these songs onto a car advertisement or mobile phone ad I will allow you to whatever you desire to my anus”
“Oh me too Simon, Me too, Please shaft me before you shaft all of those hard working musicians. Please Simon, Please show your disregard to thousands of hard working band members by shafting me live on television whilst I gladly inform the populous that One Direction are the best band ever to come out of the UK!! YES EVEN BIGGER THAN THE BEATLES and its all because of you, you wonderful shafting maniac you!
Give me a break! It brings my blood to a gentle simmering temperature when I think of that man. I’m sure when nobody else is around, when his entourage of wankers, fools, yes men and rent boys have all left him for the night, his feet morph into hooves and he sprouts horns and laughs whilst watching himself in the mirror.
I guess in my own subtle way I am telling the independent bands of the world to keep going at it, be one of the surviving turtles! Fight off the ideas of the millions of brainwashed people. Yes, even you grunge bands, you can do it! Canadian Music Week is a beautiful thing. You can see the living beating heart of music in all its glory. No airbrushing, no idealising, no studio enhancements. Just real people, warts and all thrashing it out to entertain you with songs they have written.
Ok, that got a little ranty. Must really try and control that, all of my clothes are now ripped and I’m green! I know this isn’t a mind blowing new point of view. It’s not going to change your lives, but maybe you will go and watch a live band in the next couple of weeks and maybe they will strike it lucky and ride the wave of success.
This is, I know a short blog entry, but thank you none the less for reading.
Feel free to give me a follow on twitter @morton1983
Mort
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